Sugar Land, TX.
When I first ever played the violin, the notes came so naturally. I could hear the tune and knew exactly where to place my fingers. I began playing the violin in seventh grade and I remember laying awake in bed one night, playing on my air violin, figuring out the finger pattern to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. The next morning, I picked up my friend’s instrument and tried it out and there I learned my first song.
Music has always been a part of my life. I grew up with a very musically and artistically-inclined family. I recall playing a solo for Solo & Ensemble before a judge one year, and before I stepped in the audition room, my mom said to me, “Play from your heart. Think of someone, something and play it with feeling”. From that moment, I used the violin as an outlet for my feelings and expressions.
I played for competition and for leisure. I continued my studies in violin up through college. Even then, I knew I would somehow use my talents again somewhere, but I didn’t yet know where or how.
The winter after I graduated from college was the hardest season for me. I was up late at night editing photos when I suddenly felt sad and empty. In a second, I felt a part of me had left. Too tired from work, I crawled into bed and went to sleep. The next morning, I received a message on Facebook from a high school friend. That moment, I learned that Josh had died.
He was one of the “kids” in the group of underclassmen I would drive home each day after school. We were in orchestra class together throughout middle school and high school. We went to UIL competitions together and traveled together. That one year in orchestra, we made our school’s first sweepstakes. Our school wasn’t known for being amazing at academics or music, but we were great at being a team and a family.
Days passed after Josh’s death and funeral arrangements were being made. Our orchestra director suggested that we play a last song for him, Lullaby. I would practice at home, but never long enough to finish the whole song without stopping and dealing with the emotional feelings. I was overwhelmed and I could tell and hear my brother in the other room doing the same.
On the day of the funeral, our orchestra gathered once again. We played the beginning lines of the song and I knew that everyone also tried to practice and also tried very hard to make it through the song before bursting into tears. In the last few measures, my brother played the solo. I had never shared a stand with my brother until that day and as he played the last notes to the tune, I let myself cry. He played it perfectly and so beautifully. He played it with feeling. That day, we all played from the heart for Josh. And moments after the last note was played, we all wept.
R.I.P. Joshua Lozano 2/15/10
I am glad to be back at home after an amazing experience and trip at FIND and Denver, Colorado. Throughout the week, I met 10 rad photographers and JONATHAN CANLAS, creating art and images with good ole film and film cameras. It’s hard to explain the workshop in its entirety, but I did learn a couple of important things, and they were for me to:
1 \\ Go home
2 \\ Find my voice
Home. It’s where my heart is and my family is. It’s in the kitchen, where I can spend quality time with those people I love and cherish, chatting and exchanging silly stories about life, and cooking amazing meals together. Food. Food for my body, good for the soul. I love to eat and cook and it’s in my blood. My grandma cooked all the meals in the day. My dad cooked all the meals in the day. And I now, try to cook every meal in the day. Home. It’s in the kitchen, and it makes my heart, soul, and tummy happy.
My voice. I’ve been struggling with this part lately. I have found myself drained, tired, and unhappy simply because I’m not using my voice in the right way. Like a vocalist, each singer has a voice, but they reach their best tonality in a certain range. I have to come to realize and face the facts that my voice, although I have a wide range, does not produce its best sound in photographing weddings. My voice is in what makes me happy and its strength is in food, interiors, travel, and personal work. So maybe the recent sequence of events by God have revealed that to me, allowing me to focus on seeing things in the light I want to view them in and in capturing them the way I want to. Focusing my voice on pieces that are best for my range and tonality. Closing the chapter that has brought me this far in my career and starting a new one that challenges me to use my voice in a different way.